Baggage

I'm over YOU. Didn't like YOU that much. And I'm starting to like YOU. But I can't get over HIM.

Now, It's not like I lose sleep over it. But it is the reason why I can't trust. The reason I feel jaded. The reason I don't want to date anyone exclusively. I'm afraid of trusting like I did before and getting hurt again. And again. It's really not easy to admit that I have baggage. I mean, I know most of us do.. but this is like too-heavy-for-a-carryon baggage. And I know everything looks perfect on the outside, but all that weight has broken me inside.

So how do I believe what YOU or even YOU tell me is real? HE said a lot of the same things. HE looked at me in that same way too. Why should I think YOU are any different? Yea I know I sound bitter, and since I'm being honest I guess I somewhat am. So now YOU may wonder how anything I say is credible. But really, it just wouldn't make sense to embellish my feelings or hide what they are. Especially when I hope YOU won't do that either. That's what this whole post was about anyway, right?

Another Excuse

So it seems I basically disappeared for the month of September. Honestly, it's been a little hard to write lately. I can't concentrate. As I type this I am at work with CNN in the background and I can barely tune that out. I've just had too much on my mind lately and not enough time to clearly express my thoughts. Also, a lot of my free time has been spent applying to jobs with some kind of normal hours. Or sitting idly in front of my TV and enjoying doing nothing.
I did recently go on vacation. Labor Day weekend to be exact. And so it seems I shouldn't be as drained as I am. But all that vacation did was make me realize how much my life kinda sucks right now. I'm not sitting around moping about this. I've got plenty of good going on - like the fact that I make enough money to pay my rent and bills and still eat actual food. But I am exhausted most of the time. And I'm working a dead-end job that is utterly boring. My creativity is just stifled at the moment. I am hoping that will change soon since October has some exciting things waiting for me. I guess we'll see.