For some time now I have been trying to get rid of my emotional baggage. Tie up any loose ends, as they say. And I have found that it is not the easiest thing to do. There are certain people that make it really difficult and I believe that the problem is the "what-if's." That emotional baggage is being weighed down by all the "what-if's" of our past ghosts.
I should probably give myself some time to put my thoughts together right now but I know that I won't let this out if I do. Something happened to me moments ago that showed me the importance of closure. Let me make it clear that I am the type to stay friends with guys I have dated. I honestly feel that if both of you understand why your relationship didn't work and if those amorous feelings are no longer there, you can be amicable with each other. But if you have had a lot of back and forth with someone, if there were a lot of strong feelings and things didn't end smoothly..a friendship is not possible. Maybe years down the line - like 20 - it could be possible, but you both have to have no feelings about what happened.
My real point here is, don't be afraid to let someone go. Especially if you are dating someone new, don't try and be friends with the person you just recently "tried to make it work" with. It does nothing for you. It does nothing for that person. You could have had great chemistry but it doesn't mean you should remain in each other's lives.
I don't have time in my life for wasted emotions. No need in thinking about what could have been with someone. No desire to befriend that person when I know there could be moments when I think of our past. If there is no reason to be in each other's lives then we shouldn't be. We've both moved on and are happy in our respective lives. So let's accept that we didn't work out, and that we can't and shouldn't be friends and keep going on.
I apologize if this sounds like I'm ranting but I hope that some of you will read this and realize that you may also have some toxic or unhealthy relationships in your life that you can do without. If the opportunity presents itself to close that chapter, do so.
Wednesday, March 30
Monday, March 28
Official Girl
A few days ago I had a friend ask me a question about myself and a guy I've been hanging out with. The question was, "are you guys official yet?" And just a few moments ago another friend asked me "are you officially dating * yet?" I've got to say I definitely wasn't expecting the inquiry from either and I actually don't really know how to answer these questions.
What do they mean? What does official mean in this context? Do you have to acquire the title of boyfriend/girlfriend to be official? Or does it count if you establish that you are exclusively seeing each other? This has nothing to do with me. I don't have any questions about my particular situation merely because I don't want to discuss it on my blog. I just figure that people have different ideas about what official means to them. I'm sure if you have some type of goal in mind for your relationship, or your situation, then when you do get what you want is when you consider yourself official. I don't really remember using this word very much in the past. Not for myself anyway. I think to me the question has to be "are you officially dating?" or "are you officially together?" because that makes it more specific. Even though, the concept of "dating" is lost on me sometimes.
Would anyone like to enlighten me on the definition or proper usage of "official"?
What do they mean? What does official mean in this context? Do you have to acquire the title of boyfriend/girlfriend to be official? Or does it count if you establish that you are exclusively seeing each other? This has nothing to do with me. I don't have any questions about my particular situation merely because I don't want to discuss it on my blog. I just figure that people have different ideas about what official means to them. I'm sure if you have some type of goal in mind for your relationship, or your situation, then when you do get what you want is when you consider yourself official. I don't really remember using this word very much in the past. Not for myself anyway. I think to me the question has to be "are you officially dating?" or "are you officially together?" because that makes it more specific. Even though, the concept of "dating" is lost on me sometimes.
Would anyone like to enlighten me on the definition or proper usage of "official"?
Wednesday, March 23
Ridiculous, I know.
What am I afraid of? When it comes to love/relationships, damn near everything.
I'm afraid to like you, and that you won't reciprocate on the same level. I'm afraid to be too honest and scare you away. I'm afraid to lose interest and hurt your feelings. I'm afraid of moving too fast and changing the dynamic of what we already have. I'm afraid you're going to grow bored of me. I'm afraid to get comfortable with you and then have to get used to you not being around anymore. I'm afraid to show how jaded I've become; even though I'm doing a great job of showing it with writing this post. I'm afraid you're going to get annoyed at the ease of my writing down my feelings but not being able to say things to your face.
Okay, maybe I'm not exactly "afraid" of all these things..but I am apprehensive as fuck.
I'm afraid to like you, and that you won't reciprocate on the same level. I'm afraid to be too honest and scare you away. I'm afraid to lose interest and hurt your feelings. I'm afraid of moving too fast and changing the dynamic of what we already have. I'm afraid you're going to grow bored of me. I'm afraid to get comfortable with you and then have to get used to you not being around anymore. I'm afraid to show how jaded I've become; even though I'm doing a great job of showing it with writing this post. I'm afraid you're going to get annoyed at the ease of my writing down my feelings but not being able to say things to your face.
Okay, maybe I'm not exactly "afraid" of all these things..but I am apprehensive as fuck.
Monday, March 14
Dating History: Musicians
For whatever reason I've dated a lot of guys who make music. Rappers. Well the reason being I am attracted to creative people. But when it comes to listening to their music I get a little weird. Music is a very personal thing for an artist. It's like a lover or mistress. So I start to wonder, what would happen if I don't like his music? Clearly I will offend him. And what if it's really bad and I lose some respect for him? There was a guy I knew who thought he was a pretty good singer. Once I heard him sing, I kind of lost all interest in him..
It's weird that I never really expect to love the music. That may tie in to the fact that most of us just naturally expect to be disappointed. But I fear it could be that I just don't want to look like a groupie if I happen to really dig his music. Stupid I know. And I definitely have dug the music before, I've met some really talented guys. So yes, I know I sound a little cuckoo but this is my time to address this little problem I have. I think it's about time I get over this, it's a tad bit immature. And as I look to further my music career I definitely want someone to be honest with me and be excited about listening to my music if I ask them to give me an opinion. Not that my reasons for wanting to get over this are purely selfish but it's a start.
It's weird that I never really expect to love the music. That may tie in to the fact that most of us just naturally expect to be disappointed. But I fear it could be that I just don't want to look like a groupie if I happen to really dig his music. Stupid I know. And I definitely have dug the music before, I've met some really talented guys. So yes, I know I sound a little cuckoo but this is my time to address this little problem I have. I think it's about time I get over this, it's a tad bit immature. And as I look to further my music career I definitely want someone to be honest with me and be excited about listening to my music if I ask them to give me an opinion. Not that my reasons for wanting to get over this are purely selfish but it's a start.
Wednesday, March 9
Best Friends
I have never been the "girlfriends" type. The girl who has a set group of female friends who she is always with. The girl whose best friend is like a daughter to her parents because they've known each other that long. But I have wanted to be this girl. I've always wanted to have that friend I can call on when I meet a guy and develop a crush on him. That friend that I can call at midnight when he's pissing me off and I need some advice. And especially that friend that I can lean on when he breaks my heart because she knows everything that we have been through.
It's actually not fair to say I haven't had that friend or that I don't have them now. One of my biggest issues is that two of the people I feel are that sister-friend live hundreds of miles away from me. I still consider myself to be close to the both of them but the relationship(s) I am talking about here need to be more than just someone I can call. I always wanted to have that friend so compatible to me that I tell them what I want to do and they automatically want to pavticipate. Someone that always has time to just hang out. Someone who knows all my secrets. Someone who accepts me for all the good and bad and who lets me know when I'm being a bitch. And yes, I know I'm being tad bit greedy.
I do have a small set of girls I consider to be my "group." The three I usually call when I'm invited out somewhere. The same three that I tell people about when they ask about my best friend. The same ones I am taking a trip with next month. But my relationship with them is not exactly what I wish I had. As it's happened with other females I have been very close to we don't really get to see each other as much as we would like. Life always geps in the way somehow. I'm sad that it happened with my closest girls after high school. Once we started at different colleges it was inevitable that we would drift apart a bit. And these three girls that I met when I started college, well we've stuck together so far.. but it absolutely sucks that we mostly get together for Birthdays. Or whenever our schedules seem to synchronize.
I understand that people always think what they want is simple. But what I want truly is simple, as long as we all want the same things from each other. I want to celebrate with her when she lands the job of her dreams. I want to be a bridesmaid at their weddings. I want to be one of the first to know she's pregnant. I want to be there when the baby is born or at least the day after. I want to seek out their tips when I start going through menopause. I want to see her face when she tells me she is going to be a grandmother. I want to be their soulmate when the men in our lives just aren't enough.
To this trip we are taking together in just a few weeks, I raise my glass and toast to the hope that it will bring us closer together.
It's actually not fair to say I haven't had that friend or that I don't have them now. One of my biggest issues is that two of the people I feel are that sister-friend live hundreds of miles away from me. I still consider myself to be close to the both of them but the relationship(s) I am talking about here need to be more than just someone I can call. I always wanted to have that friend so compatible to me that I tell them what I want to do and they automatically want to pavticipate. Someone that always has time to just hang out. Someone who knows all my secrets. Someone who accepts me for all the good and bad and who lets me know when I'm being a bitch. And yes, I know I'm being tad bit greedy.
I do have a small set of girls I consider to be my "group." The three I usually call when I'm invited out somewhere. The same three that I tell people about when they ask about my best friend. The same ones I am taking a trip with next month. But my relationship with them is not exactly what I wish I had. As it's happened with other females I have been very close to we don't really get to see each other as much as we would like. Life always geps in the way somehow. I'm sad that it happened with my closest girls after high school. Once we started at different colleges it was inevitable that we would drift apart a bit. And these three girls that I met when I started college, well we've stuck together so far.. but it absolutely sucks that we mostly get together for Birthdays. Or whenever our schedules seem to synchronize.
I understand that people always think what they want is simple. But what I want truly is simple, as long as we all want the same things from each other. I want to celebrate with her when she lands the job of her dreams. I want to be a bridesmaid at their weddings. I want to be one of the first to know she's pregnant. I want to be there when the baby is born or at least the day after. I want to seek out their tips when I start going through menopause. I want to see her face when she tells me she is going to be a grandmother. I want to be their soulmate when the men in our lives just aren't enough.
To this trip we are taking together in just a few weeks, I raise my glass and toast to the hope that it will bring us closer together.
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