I went to a wedding recently and some thing that one of the guest's said has stuck with me. I can't say it's something I didn't know about love and relationships already but it was reaffirmed for me. Basically, the guest was talking about the Bride and Groom and how much they have changed each other's lives through support for each other. Before they met they were each in a funk of their own and maybe a little lost. But since being together their friends and family have noticed that they build each other up, and through this they have already started to build a foundation for their life together.
I absolutely believe that to be in a successful relationship with someone there has to be understanding, respect and honesty. You have to have a partner who will support you and be a positive force in your life. Some days ago, I spoke with a friend who told me that when they expressed their dreams to their partner they kind of scoffed at them and pretty much told them they weren't going to make anything of themselves. That was deeply disturbing to me because it breeds an unhealthy relationship. It's definitely not the way I would want to start one.
I'm glad to be with someone who is first and foremost my friend. He believes in me and I believe in him. It's important to have someone that is going to bring you up and not push you down. Someone who belittles you and projects their negative views of the world onto you has problems of their own that they need to overcome before they can be in a healthy relationship. I am by far not an expert on relationships and I know it isn't right to judge one that you aren't in but I've witnessed and comforted friends who were in these types of relationships. People have their reasons for staying but I don't believe anyone should be unhappy at the hands of the person they are choosing to spend their lives with.
Any thoughts?
Friday, March 30
Saturday, November 19
Ideally Speaking
We all have these ideas of who we want to fall in love with. The ideal partner. Or maybe just a "type." Some of us want someone who is funny. Someone who is caring. Maybe someone who is family oriented. But how many of us really end up with someone who embodies everything we want to find? How many of us find someone with half of what we want to find?
Personally, I'd like to be with someone who is more outgoing than me. Someone who wants to take walks with me to go get ice cream. Someone who likes outdoor concerts - well concerts in general. And traveling. I would love to travel more, even if it's just to a neighboring state. Someone who can dance and actually wants to go out dancing from time to time would be great. Of course this has to be someone who I am physically attracted to which is a list all on it's own.. and I am a bit of a romantic, so I like little out-of-nowhere gifts. I'm not talking jewelry and other expensive things, I mean tickets to a comedy show or even a surprise chocolate cupcake could make me happy. I like to flirt and show that I am still interested so I want someone who I can still flirt with after we've been seeing each other for some time. Since I'm not a big drinker, it would be ideal for me to find someone who also doesn't drink a lot. I like to go to bars and lounges and have a few drinks, or even at home but getting buzzed on a Tuesday when you have work the next day is not very fun to me.
Then of course there's the more typical stuff. I mean, I definitely want someone who makes me laugh. Someone who has a job and doesn't live at home with his parents would be good. Someone who is caring and tells me they miss me and most importantly kisses me like they do. Honesty ranks pretty high with me too. And conversational skills are a definite must.
I can't think of any guy I have dated that possessed even most of those qualities. Sure at first they mostly do but that changes soon enough. For me, attraction usually starts off the same way - similar musical tastes. A similar sense of humor can also be a starting point. That usually involves a sarcastic vibe, enough that it's still fun and flirtatious. I have a problem of getting bored in relationships so I need to do new things. As much as I love to sit back and watch a movie, I like to get out too. And I just feel like it's easier to get to know someone when you are actually doing things together not just sitting at home.
I actually read something today that said love was accepting and cherishing the traits that someone has that we don't exactly find ideal. Because of course ideal would mean that we found someone who is perfect right? And well we know perfect is pretty much just a feeling, it doesn't exist physically or literally. For some reason though, my heart still believes I can find someone with all these qualities. Time will tell.
Personally, I'd like to be with someone who is more outgoing than me. Someone who wants to take walks with me to go get ice cream. Someone who likes outdoor concerts - well concerts in general. And traveling. I would love to travel more, even if it's just to a neighboring state. Someone who can dance and actually wants to go out dancing from time to time would be great. Of course this has to be someone who I am physically attracted to which is a list all on it's own.. and I am a bit of a romantic, so I like little out-of-nowhere gifts. I'm not talking jewelry and other expensive things, I mean tickets to a comedy show or even a surprise chocolate cupcake could make me happy. I like to flirt and show that I am still interested so I want someone who I can still flirt with after we've been seeing each other for some time. Since I'm not a big drinker, it would be ideal for me to find someone who also doesn't drink a lot. I like to go to bars and lounges and have a few drinks, or even at home but getting buzzed on a Tuesday when you have work the next day is not very fun to me.
Then of course there's the more typical stuff. I mean, I definitely want someone who makes me laugh. Someone who has a job and doesn't live at home with his parents would be good. Someone who is caring and tells me they miss me and most importantly kisses me like they do. Honesty ranks pretty high with me too. And conversational skills are a definite must.
I can't think of any guy I have dated that possessed even most of those qualities. Sure at first they mostly do but that changes soon enough. For me, attraction usually starts off the same way - similar musical tastes. A similar sense of humor can also be a starting point. That usually involves a sarcastic vibe, enough that it's still fun and flirtatious. I have a problem of getting bored in relationships so I need to do new things. As much as I love to sit back and watch a movie, I like to get out too. And I just feel like it's easier to get to know someone when you are actually doing things together not just sitting at home.
I actually read something today that said love was accepting and cherishing the traits that someone has that we don't exactly find ideal. Because of course ideal would mean that we found someone who is perfect right? And well we know perfect is pretty much just a feeling, it doesn't exist physically or literally. For some reason though, my heart still believes I can find someone with all these qualities. Time will tell.
Monday, November 7
Repression
It's strangely easy for me to repress my feelings. What's strange about this is that my face is also very telling when I am feeling something.
If I'm happy, sad, or mad, people who pay attention can usually tell. But some people make it so easy for me to hide what I feel that I can put on a good act if I really want to. And sometimes it's just worth it to do so. If I feel like someone doesn't really care about my feelings then I just won't feel them as far as they know.
I assume this is why some people think I'm kind of mean sometimes or that I don't really care. When in reality I'm just holding everything inside. And as one of my favorite No Doubt songs says, "Magic's in the makeup."*
I'll admit that this isn't a good strategy and I know I've mentioned that I am working on changing this but I'm delusional enough to believe that it has helped me get over some things in the past. What better way to get over something or someone than to realize that the other person doesn't care? No sense in being the only one stressing over it. Whatever that it may be. Believe me, I can make an argument for the opposition here too. I am an advocate for telling the truth and telling people how you feel. I just think that road is too lonely when it's a one-way.
*(No Doubt song titled "Magic's In The Make-up" off of their Return of Saturn album)
If I'm happy, sad, or mad, people who pay attention can usually tell. But some people make it so easy for me to hide what I feel that I can put on a good act if I really want to. And sometimes it's just worth it to do so. If I feel like someone doesn't really care about my feelings then I just won't feel them as far as they know.
I assume this is why some people think I'm kind of mean sometimes or that I don't really care. When in reality I'm just holding everything inside. And as one of my favorite No Doubt songs says, "Magic's in the makeup."*
I'll admit that this isn't a good strategy and I know I've mentioned that I am working on changing this but I'm delusional enough to believe that it has helped me get over some things in the past. What better way to get over something or someone than to realize that the other person doesn't care? No sense in being the only one stressing over it. Whatever that it may be. Believe me, I can make an argument for the opposition here too. I am an advocate for telling the truth and telling people how you feel. I just think that road is too lonely when it's a one-way.
*(No Doubt song titled "Magic's In The Make-up" off of their Return of Saturn album)
Friday, October 28
#15 - My Horoscope and If It Fits My Personality
My birthday is June 21st, and according to an Astrology book that I own, I am a Cancer with Gemini tendencies. I usually do identify with Gemini traits but as I have gathered online everyone born between June 21st and June 27th are on the Gemini-Cancer Cusp. And I just read the most insightful article on this. If you want to read it the link is below.
Simply JITH
Since there was so much in the article that I feel fits me, I figured I would take bits and pieces and just comment. For the record, when I read standard horoscopes I tend to read Gemini even if Cancer says it includes June 21st.
"...by virtue of the inherent defensive instinct associated with this cusp combination, even the most mild of these natives will be inclined to gently lay down emotional guidelines that should not be overstepped."
This was the first line I read that made me go "Yes! So true!" There are certain things that people can say or do that will cause me to just cut them off. It's a little hard to explain but here's an example: A few years ago, I was talking to this guy and I was starting to like him. Well one night we were hanging out and my cousin was with us but he was waiting for a cab to pick him up. After my cousin left, the guy made a comment about how badly he wanted my cousin to leave and proceeded to get too comfortable - taking his shoes off, laying down on my bed. I didn't appreciate his tone or what he implied by us being alone so I after just a little while I asked him to leave and we never hung out again.
"Falling within the influence of both Gemini and Cancer, these cuspians are, in fact, a rather interesting blend of logic and feeling."
This is why I think I am able to empathize and sympathize with people so well. I am pretty good at seeing both sides of a story and understanding people. I've learned to see many possibilities and play the Devil's advocate.
"If the Gemini/Cancer native does allow another to share his or her living space, then such implies immense trust and a great deal of respect for the other person. An invitation to visit this highly personal world is more often the giving of a true gift or the reflection of a desire to share, rather than a sign of ostentation or need for sociability."
This quote is so on-point. I am very hesitant to invite people over to my apartment. It's my space, it's my privacy and I don't feel like I can let just anyone in. Especially living in a studio, I feel like my apartment is me and it's not easy to let people in.
"..remaining in touch with reality is important for Gemini/Cancer subjects and they need to find friends and partners who are more extroverted by nature in order to provide an essential link to the world."
I would say this is the reason I am usually attracted to guys who are outgoing. Usually I have to force myself to be outgoing and extroverted. Many people think I am this way normally but I'm a big homebody, I just don't like to be in my shell for so long. I get stir-crazy often now since I spend a lot of time in my apt.
"Due to the influence of Mercury (Gemini's planetary ruler), there is a strong desire in this cusp combination to take up new projects and switch occupations"
Absolutely true for me. I am always looking for something new to do or try. As long as it's something creative, or I can learn from it, I want to do it. Plus, I get bored easily sometimes, so while routine is comforting it can get old quick.
"The inherent tendency to repress feelings should also be avoided."
This is the biggest issue I deal with. I'm not very good with verbally expressing myself, that's one reason I thought a blog would be a good idea for me. Writing down whatever I feel is easy to me but I usually end up keeping whatever that is to myself. When I used to write poems, they were always real - maybe a little exaggerated, but still real - but most people haven't read most of those. Figuring out why I tend to repress my feelings and how to stop doing so is something I am currently working on.
Simply JITH
Since there was so much in the article that I feel fits me, I figured I would take bits and pieces and just comment. For the record, when I read standard horoscopes I tend to read Gemini even if Cancer says it includes June 21st.
"...by virtue of the inherent defensive instinct associated with this cusp combination, even the most mild of these natives will be inclined to gently lay down emotional guidelines that should not be overstepped."
This was the first line I read that made me go "Yes! So true!" There are certain things that people can say or do that will cause me to just cut them off. It's a little hard to explain but here's an example: A few years ago, I was talking to this guy and I was starting to like him. Well one night we were hanging out and my cousin was with us but he was waiting for a cab to pick him up. After my cousin left, the guy made a comment about how badly he wanted my cousin to leave and proceeded to get too comfortable - taking his shoes off, laying down on my bed. I didn't appreciate his tone or what he implied by us being alone so I after just a little while I asked him to leave and we never hung out again.
"Falling within the influence of both Gemini and Cancer, these cuspians are, in fact, a rather interesting blend of logic and feeling."
This is why I think I am able to empathize and sympathize with people so well. I am pretty good at seeing both sides of a story and understanding people. I've learned to see many possibilities and play the Devil's advocate.
"If the Gemini/Cancer native does allow another to share his or her living space, then such implies immense trust and a great deal of respect for the other person. An invitation to visit this highly personal world is more often the giving of a true gift or the reflection of a desire to share, rather than a sign of ostentation or need for sociability."
This quote is so on-point. I am very hesitant to invite people over to my apartment. It's my space, it's my privacy and I don't feel like I can let just anyone in. Especially living in a studio, I feel like my apartment is me and it's not easy to let people in.
"..remaining in touch with reality is important for Gemini/Cancer subjects and they need to find friends and partners who are more extroverted by nature in order to provide an essential link to the world."
I would say this is the reason I am usually attracted to guys who are outgoing. Usually I have to force myself to be outgoing and extroverted. Many people think I am this way normally but I'm a big homebody, I just don't like to be in my shell for so long. I get stir-crazy often now since I spend a lot of time in my apt.
"Due to the influence of Mercury (Gemini's planetary ruler), there is a strong desire in this cusp combination to take up new projects and switch occupations"
Absolutely true for me. I am always looking for something new to do or try. As long as it's something creative, or I can learn from it, I want to do it. Plus, I get bored easily sometimes, so while routine is comforting it can get old quick.
"The inherent tendency to repress feelings should also be avoided."
This is the biggest issue I deal with. I'm not very good with verbally expressing myself, that's one reason I thought a blog would be a good idea for me. Writing down whatever I feel is easy to me but I usually end up keeping whatever that is to myself. When I used to write poems, they were always real - maybe a little exaggerated, but still real - but most people haven't read most of those. Figuring out why I tend to repress my feelings and how to stop doing so is something I am currently working on.
Thursday, October 20
Moving Sideways
I really am at a point in my life where I don't know where I'm going, or where I want to go. It's like I'm riding on one of those floor escalator things and it's just taking me where it wants. I'm gliding through life and watching things pass me by.
I like to say I'm trying. Trying to find a new job, trying to meet new people. But am I trying hard enough? Wouldn't I see some kind of change by now if I were? Or is this just my life right now? Maybe I just need to be more patient. But it's hard when there aren't even enough hours in the day to breathe. I've been meaning to take Yoga more seriously and learn to meditate.. but it's so much easier to look for things to do outside of my apartment or just waste my time in front of the TV. I mean, who wants to think anyway?
I feel stagnant. Stuck. Disconnected. And it's a weird feeling. It's actually hard to explain so I don't even think I'll attempt to. It's just an up and down kind of thing going on. I want to break away. I want to win the lotto and disappear for a month. But, at the same time I just want to have a party with all of my friends, hug and kiss them and talk about bullsh*t. I have been doing some of that lately - the talking part, I could probably use some more hugs and kisses lol - and that's probably why I haven't gone insane yet.
Things are hard on a lot of us right now. For some it's work related (like me), for others it's about love or family, but it just seems everyone is struggling somewhere. This definitely bothers me. I don't like to see anyone I care about struggling, or feeling down about anything and I just wish I could help everyone. And to end this off with a cliche, I just want to add that I am going to try my best to stay positive. I think we could all benefit from sending out good energy.
I like to say I'm trying. Trying to find a new job, trying to meet new people. But am I trying hard enough? Wouldn't I see some kind of change by now if I were? Or is this just my life right now? Maybe I just need to be more patient. But it's hard when there aren't even enough hours in the day to breathe. I've been meaning to take Yoga more seriously and learn to meditate.. but it's so much easier to look for things to do outside of my apartment or just waste my time in front of the TV. I mean, who wants to think anyway?
I feel stagnant. Stuck. Disconnected. And it's a weird feeling. It's actually hard to explain so I don't even think I'll attempt to. It's just an up and down kind of thing going on. I want to break away. I want to win the lotto and disappear for a month. But, at the same time I just want to have a party with all of my friends, hug and kiss them and talk about bullsh*t. I have been doing some of that lately - the talking part, I could probably use some more hugs and kisses lol - and that's probably why I haven't gone insane yet.
Things are hard on a lot of us right now. For some it's work related (like me), for others it's about love or family, but it just seems everyone is struggling somewhere. This definitely bothers me. I don't like to see anyone I care about struggling, or feeling down about anything and I just wish I could help everyone. And to end this off with a cliche, I just want to add that I am going to try my best to stay positive. I think we could all benefit from sending out good energy.
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