Insecurity.

There is one area in my life that I never feel quite confident about. Even if things are seemingly going well for a while, I'm always on the lookout for something to go wrong. And of course, I'm talking about love.

My "love life" hasn't been great in years. And if it's been good, it hasn't been good for long. Why is that? I'm not really sure. I don't know if it's a certain guy that I attract - maybe I like them jaded, or commitment-phobic - or if I am just unlucky, but I can't seem to get a hold on anyone. My male friends recognize me to be girlfriend material, but the guys I like or crush on don't. Is it because I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe myself? Can you guys smell that on me or see it in my eyes? And because of that, does it seem that I would be okay just hanging around never getting into any commitment? Okay, there have been guys who did see me as girlfriend material but the excuse was that they were never really "ready" for a relationship (even though we were doing everything a typical relationship implies, just without the title).

I probably sound like I'm pretty bitter about this and I guess lately I have been sort of feeling that way. Every time I'm not quite sure what's going on I start to reflect on all the past bullshit, thinking that it could cushion the blow I expect to get soon. I know the negativity doesn't help anything, I'm mostly just getting it out of my system. And maybe I'm just being dramatic and over-analyzing things, but I guess we'll see.