Terrible (Twenty) Two's

I just turned 23 yesterday and despite all of my joking around, I really don't mind becoming a year older. (especially when strangers still think I'm 20)

Twenty-two was not a picnic in the park for me and I acknowledge that I spent most of that year in a negative funk. As much as I tried to be positive and "look on the bright side" of things I just couldn't. I entered into twenty-two unemployed (read: broke), with emotional baggage, drama, and overwhelming anxiety. All of those things followed me for months, and the anxiety even turned me into a turtle too afraid to come out of her shell.

Case in point: in July 2009 my brother's girlfriend said she could get me a job where she worked, she set up an interview with her boss once I said I was interested. My brother took me, I handed in my resume, we talked, we clicked, he said I could start next week. I spent the next few days being lazy before I had to get back into work-mode. The day before I start the new job comes and I am nervous and obsessing about what I'm going to wear, what the other workers will be like, and am I gonna look like a confused fool. My family tells me everything is going to be okay, Bros girlfriend says it's not a big deal I'll be fine. Back-to-work day comes, and I am tired from not sleeping and sick to my stomach from the nerves. I call out. That was how much the anxiety had started to take over my life that I couldn't even make it to my first day of work. Worse than that was our return from Maryland on Memorial Day but I digress.

The emotional baggage and drama followed me from 2008 and the cause of it was a faux-relationship with a guy I was too blind to see was so wrong for me. I don't regret that part of my life anymore because I did learn some valuable life lessons, but I still don't know that I needed to make so many mistakes to learn them. Up until a few months ago the outcome of that relationship was still a heavy weight on my shoulders. I was even trying to get something back that I gave up on last year because I was afraid of more failure. I was unwilling to put my heart back out there 'cause my mind couldn't even comprehend all that was going on. I knew I needed a change so I told myself that my birthday would be a renewal, a way to start over. I just didn't realize it was so hard to do. I constantly reminded myself that time would heal all the wounds and I should remain patient.

Needless to say my twenty-two's remained terrible for a while, and until a few weeks ago I was still back and forth with remaining positive. Now though, I can see the progress that I have made in my life and I appreciate how far I have come. I'm glad to say I have entered twenty-three with a lot of fun and smiles and I plan to keep at it.